Format: E-book – Owned
Buy It Here : Made for Love: A Novel
How was I supposed to resist this book, when the cover looks like it was spray-painted at Valley Fair? The short answer is that I did not resist this book and bought the e-book without even checking the library, and I am glad that I did.
Hazel runs from her husband
Scary Tony Stark Byron, when he attempts to implant her brain with a chip that will enable them to mind meld. She lands herself in her dad’s trailer, but is surprised to find an enormous, coffin-sized box. No, her dad isn’t dead, he’s ordered a lifelike companion doll. Her name is Diane. This is a story of cohabiting with sex dolls, running from the people in your head, and dolphin sex.
Yeah, I know.
BUT IT WAS REALLY GOOD, GUYS.
In the first few chapters, I was siding with Hazel’s dad– why did she leave her ridiculously rich husband? Then it becomes incredibly clear that running for the hills was her only option– that or some kind of lobotomy. Of course, he’s evil and sneaky, so he’s already mind-melded her. What a butt.
Speaking of Butts, Jasper. Wow, dude. Wow. We meet Jasper as he’s stealing 38k from his girlfriend and zipping out of her life. It turns out this is Jasper’s whole thing– he devotes himself to women, then skips town with whatever money he can get out of them. No one likes him. Or at least, no one would like him if he had any friends or family to speak of. This is probably why I didn’t care when he was attacked by a dolphin.
Dolphins are beautiful majestic creatures, and they’re also (I believe, anyone who studies cetaceans should feel more than free to correct me) the only creatures besides humans who fight, kill, and bully just for funsies. Most creatures who attack humans are defending nests/territories/themselves, or hunting. Not dolphins. Don’t get me wrong, I love dolphins, but I want you all to have the facts.
Of course, it’s impossible to love dolphins as much as Jasper– who develops an incredibly serious dolphin fetish?! So much so that he takes a job at an aquarium and falls in love with a dolphin named Bella?! It was just– so beautifully bizarre, I really felt like I was reading a Douglas Adams book.
Meanwhile, poor Hazel has discovered she’s all mind-melded to her crazy-go-bonkers husband, and does a wide variety of completely insane things like getting her hand stuck in a sex doll’s mouth, having sex with a guy named Liver, and making the large coffin/box Diane the Sex Doll came in her bedroom. Girl has it tough, so I suppose I can give her those ones. Her mom has been dead for years and wasn’t much of a comfort to her while she was alive, and her dad, it turns out, was planning to die without even telling Hazel he was sick.
Hazel appearing on his deathbed seems like almost an insult. One he remedies by ordering a second sex doll. Because that seems to be the most logical path. Her relationship with her dad and her dad’s death were a particularly well done point in this book. I appreciated the complexity of their relationship and the brutal honesty he showed near the end.
The end of the book was incredibly satisfying. The most fantastic part was the monologues from the lady who owned the diner Hazel worked at. I wanted to write them up and put them on the wall.
This book was absolutely crazy, inventive, interesting, and well-written. It’s probably not a book for everyone, but I suggest it all the same!
Subjective Hearts: ♥♥♥♥ 4/5
Objective Hearts: ♥♥♥♥ 4/5
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